I See

I see us.

Little ones sitting in the dark corner with our legs pulled to our chest trying to disappear.

I see me.
A stone-faced tomboy...dirty, ripped overalls fading into a frightened church girl and back again.
I see you.
Curly wild hair caressing a simple girly dress with a dirt smudge on your cheek grasping a book of secrets.
I see them.
A crowd of no faced, two faced, filthy clean monsters held back by the force field we created.

I see us again.
Grown ones still being pulled to the dark corner but no longer able to disappear
I see me
Stone-faced and angry, scanning the horizon, ready to pounce and fight
I see you
A beauty who has given life, served many, endured much, wilt at the thought of herself.
I see them.
It is us, staring back at ourselves in a kaleidoscoped mirrored room.

When the monsters were dead and gone, we resurrected them daily.
We cut, beat, starved, violated, abused, attacked, bruised and battered ourselves.
We needed no enemy. The enemy was us.

I see us.
Unworthy of love, afraid of love, yet desiring to be loved, still holding on to each other near that dark childhood corner.
I see me.
Wanting to rescue you from all that torments you, but the tormenter IS you. I am helpless.
I see you.
The reflection in your eyes is the person you see when you look at me, and I don't know him yet.
I see them.
Struggling hard to love another who doesn't feel worthy of love.

We play and replay those messages from a time long ago.
The ugly, stupid, sinful, dirty, undeserving ones that make us shrink into nothingness. Nobodies.
Yet the messages are in our own voices.  The enemy is us.

I see us.
We want to laugh, cry, love, fight, make mistakes, connect, fall apart, and rebuild
I see me.
The stoned-faced one who fights never to morph into HER again, but in doing so causes pain to the one held most dear.
I see you.
This beloved muse of mine that tries fiercely to shine bright enough, that she eventually collapses.
I see them.
Tired of being monsters. Wanting to make peace. To become the reflection we really should see. Many beautiful, worthy people in love.