Face the Sun

I"m not this person, this ghost inside me

died long ago but no obituary

forgot to tell me I was supposed to be gone

so I sit here in the quiet and I'm all alone

I don't know what happened, don't know how I died

the body still moves but my soul just abides

I hang somewhere between life and eternal death

choked by the rope, but still have my breath

I try to get it together and shake it all off

the rope from my throat, I wheeze and I cough

and I think I can do it, if hard enough I try

to feel alive again, to laugh and to cry

But the drugs, they ain't working, my sanity's missing

my determination to hold on is gradually slipping

I'm trying, oh I'm trying to change my attitude

to create some kind of miracle and repair my mood

But I have lost all control, just left with a bone

no matter where I turn, I am left on my own

no one to fix it, no making it it better

but I ain't ready to write a fucking suicide letter

I'll make it once more, until the sun it does rise

and I'll stand on the ground and I'll look to the skies

and I'll remind myself that people still see my spirit

so while I am here, in my own voice, surely they will hear it.  

Cause if I go down, it won't be done in silence

I'm not good at falling in step, in being compliant

I'll fight for the underdog, and that underdog ain't me

if that makes me a bitch, then a bitch I will be.

I live cause I fight, see my ghost in the mirror

I'll wipe away the mist, so you can see her much clearer

she's ready to go, to get the hell out of this place

to feel some peace, to rest in some safe space.

She's anxious for mercy, she's anxious for love

she wants to be embraced as she always dreamed of

but I tell her to wait, this shit is only for a time

that one day it'll be better, one day it'll be fine.

But some days I don't believe it, and she knows me well

she knows I feel the hot burning fires of an eternal hell

but I'm not ready, I tell her, not ready to give up

you can't come back once you drink the bitter cup. 

"I'm already dead", she tells me, her weary sad eyes white

her skin gray and cold, it gives me a fright

but I'm her, and she's me, in angry insurrection

I scream at God, " how bout my damn resurrection!"

There's a war inside me, it battles on without end

no one will budge, no one will give in

so I'm pulled between two worlds, I don't belong in either

I just wish for a moment, I beg for a breather.

If I stop I know inside, my ghost will swallow me whole

and I will lose my life, I will lose my soul

so even in my sleep I continue fighting in the dark

and I wake up the next morning, covered in marks. 

But I"m still alive, though scarred as you can tell

my battle scars, many, I'm bruised and I swell

but for one more day I fought, I certainly didn't run

I stood up this morning, and I faced the sun.