If you were assigned a spouse and told that you were to change yourself and do whatever it took to fall in love with him/her, could you do it? I asked myself a similar question in regards to God.
Here is a God whom I am told is my one "true" God, and I am to fall in love with him just as he is. What I know about him is this....
At one time he had a bad habit of wiping out populations of people who didn't agree with him. Sometimes by fire, sometimes by flood. He was creative about it.
He loved stonings and required them often for lots of stuff and he loved the word "abomination". Eating shellfish, wearing clothes made of different materials, homosexuality....all abominations. All cured by a good stoning.
He didn't think much of women back in the day, and allowed them to be used as property. He still thinks they are unworthy to serve in higher offices in the church.
He tends to play favorites and loves the Jews. He now tolerates the rest of us. He will help a guy win a ballgame because he bows in praise on the field, but not do much for the poor shivering in the cold outside the stadium.
He used to love the essence of burning animal flesh that he, himself, required to be killed before he would forgive anyone's sins. When he finally got around to figuring out another way of forgiveness, he sent his own kid to be killed when he could have made the rules different from the very beginning so torture was not even necessary.
He expects me to call him Lord and bow down to him. My dad didn't even expect that. My baptist ex husband didn't expect that. My boss doesn't expect that. Why would my love expect that?
So, I hope you see my quandary. This is the guy I'm supposed to love. If his profile were on a eHarmony, he wouldn't get many dates. If he were my Facebook friend I would have deleted him long ago. If he were hanging in a bar, who would buy him a drink? He comes across to me as arrogant, mean, and a little too full of himself. I don't even LIKE him, and I'm supposed to fall in love with him? I am told if I don't love him and follow him, I'm going to the hell that he created. Well, shit. What to do, what to do?
I gotta be honest. I just can't do it. I don't see what people see in him. The Divine has GOT to be better than that. I expect MUCH more out of God than to be a jerk.
Each culture had their own myths and stories. They all had their ideas of how the world came to be. They all had their own "revelations" of who God is. So why in the hell was this the popular one? He sounds great for arrogant men who wanted to scare the shit out of people and demand their allegiance. What better way to get people to behave then threaten to damn their soul to eternal punishment?
I personally think we have been duped. Don't get me wrong, there are wonderful things in the teachings of Jesus. It seems he was trying to break the mold during his day and think outside the box. But, somehow, we have been brainwashed to believe that if we follow the teachings of Jesus, then we have to believe all the other stuff that MAN decided should be attached to the stories about him. It sort of reminds me of a bill in congress that is an awesome bill but some asshole attaches some provision to it that makes it suck. You vote for the good part of the bill, you vote for all of it.
So I don't buy it. It is NOT all or nothing. This isn't democracy. This is my spiritual life. Yes, MINE. Some say I am turning God into someone I want, so I can act anyway I want to. That would be fine if I created a God who expected nothing good of me and if I wanted to be a selfish, mean person. But I do not. I expect much of myself. I expect kindness and gentleness. I expect myself to be better tomorrow than I was today. I expect my heart to find more room for love then it does anger.
And I expect my brain, heart, and soul to search for the Divine. To listen for the whispers. To look for the divinity in every creature. I will not allow myself to be lazy and rely on the God of someone else. It seems like the Divine would expect no less. Am I not correct in stating that if I am to fall head over heels in love, it must be with the One meant for me? So it is my own divine partner I must find, and my own divine journey I must take. And you must find yours.
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