Acceptance

 

 

 

I've gotten to know me,

and I know me quite well.

sometimes its been painful

a guilt trip to hell.

 

 

 

 

 I had to learn to love me

when I was told I was a curse

some abomination that

was proven with some holy verse. 

 

Its been a lifetime of voices

external and in my head

some telling me I'm worthy

others wishing me dead. 

What shouldn't have been a trauma

cause I was promised pure love

became a verbal beating

and I spilled my own blood. 

 

I hated me for being me

curse God for this cage 

felt nothing but anger

that turned into violent rage.

 

I screamed in my mind

and it shattered like glass

my heart broke in pieces

the blood burst forth en masse.

 

I learned how to cut

and I learned how to bleed

because it was my lifeline

when for death I would plead 

And slowly, too slowly

I began to accept

That when people condemned me

it was their own souls that wept. 

For that hate and self-righteousness

was nothing but fear

that they had to appear better

better than this queer. 

All the talk was about them

it was never about me

they feared for their souls

although they said they were free

To think God could be proud

believing her queer kids were worthy

that love is just love

and they deserved their love story. 

 

Such a thing would rock their foundations

and their perfect world, it would crumble

and instead of standing on soap boxes

they would kneel and be humbled.

 

So if God says she loves me

who am I to debate

I can lay down my armor

and stop being irate.

 

So with the perspective of God

I can see me and say

God made me just perfect

for I was made this way. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

66 Reasons

You've given 66 reasons to make me believe

66 reasons knowing I was naive

66 reasons to follow and cleave

66 reasons never thinking you could deceive.

You handed me a puzzle one piece at a time

promising in the end that peace would be mine

then up a mountain I was told to climb

and I would pray to you every night at bedtime

You said when I reached the summit never look back

but I slipped and fell, no time to react

and I turned and what I saw gave my head a crack

for before me was the puzzle complete and exact

The pieces, now a whole, brought me no peace

it gave me no solace, it gave no relief

for those 66 reasons for my faith and belief

was destroyed in a disaster, a volcanic motif.

Now there's 66 reasons to ask you why

it all seems nothing but a deceptive lie

I was a servant to a Master who said I could fly

then put me in chains and made me look at the sky.

The Mirror

She knew since she could remember

The demons that stalked her very soul

the hands that swiped her, didn't like her

being always cautious took its toll.

As she grew and became stronger

she wondered if she could stand and fight

but the preacher, said the creatures

had the power and they had the bite.

Only God, he claimed, could banish them

all she had to do was ask

so she implored him, did adore him

but her pleading only burned to ash.

So she ran frantic through the forest

the anger raged inside her heart

the holy assurance, the fire insurance

tore her skin cruelly apart

She knew the floor of the black forest

she had a mental map of the land

the slashing claws, the snapping jaws

the red raw skin whispered a plan

She raised her eyes hopeful through the canopy

and followed the journey of the sun

she broke through briars and the liars

she left behind most everyone.

She chased the light till after midnight

then she rested against a log

the heavy breathing, slowly receding

by morning the sun had lifted the fog.

She ran fast, thoughts of survival

was always in her mind

the thoughts of living, of the forgiving

for those who's intentions were unkind

She finally made it to Paradise

she lost the demons in the east

 here in the west, she felt so blessed

to have finally found her peace 

She lived with joy, she lived with zest

she became the one that she had dreamed

she found her smile, the entire stockpile

she knew her soul had been redeemed

Then in a moment, it all had crashed

what did she ever do so wrong

she looked at God through his facade

and knew this was her sad swan song.  

She headed east, she never doubted

demons waited for her return

they'd been refining and even pining

she recalled the heat of the burn

She touched down surrounded by hills

the mountains she knew so well

her breath a gasp, she was home at last 

immediately locked inside her cell. 

She heard their echos in the distance

good to see you, welcome back

she shivered slightly, waited nightly

in the cell painted deathly black 

In the dawn she calmed a little

things weren't as scary as they seemed

the faded scars, her memoirs

perhaps was only in her dreams.

Then in a moment she slowly turned 

and what she saw, it stopped her breath

her own expression, in that reflection

then she wished for the mercy of death.

The final truth, the naked honesty

she begged God "don't let me see"

her heart in lockdown, her soul a showdown

in tears she whispered "the demons, they were me"

 

Good Enough: The Effects of Fundamentalism on the Heart

They beat us hard

with the book so well

yet the scars were inside

so no one could tell

They said "be good"  

you gotta do right

never good enough though

we prayed day and night

The years passed by

and we grew more f*cked

trying to be most perfect

by their rules of conduct

Twenty made us forty

and forty made us eight

and we couldn't even manage

to keep our heads on straight

Depression was our friend

happiness was our foe

after time had tic-tock passed 

there was no safe place to go

We got mighty exhausted

our gas was in the red

we didn't feel like livin'

but f*cked if we turned up dead.

Your book put us in prison

in solitary, a box

no hope to see the daylight

or other prisoners in cell blocs

So we finally turned insane

but you blamed us even still

we didn't have enough faith

in the one nailed on the hill.

 You wind us even tighter

and our hearts turn into gel

while you tell us we're not good enough

and bound our souls to hell. 

Finally we  make a decision

die here or take leave

you've killed our hearts already

and loving God we can't conceive

So while we lay in our caskets

six feet inside the earth

don't come to our grave singin'

about some holy soul rebirth

 Amazing Grace how sweet the sound

that saved a retch like me?

I once was lost, but now I'm found

hanging dead from a tree.

To the Church of Intolerance

Here I am.

I don't back down.

You want a piece?

  You're white as fleece?

But I'm worth hate

I can't relate,

Don't educate,

Don't repopulate.

Cause your message is wrong

an empty song,

I don't belong,

I won't go along.

Cause you love in stages

in different phases.

You put us in rages,

in emotional cages.

 I'm supposed to believe

in these lies you conceive,

In these ways you deceive

Do I look that naive?

But I know the truth.

I'm an amazing sleuth.

So I'll make my own way

Won't be led astray. 

I pray.

Karma Stings the Evil

They say Karma is a bitch

and revenge is the Lord's

ain't got no problem with that

'cause they're both in one accord.

Now I don't mean to be cruel

it ain't what I'm all about

but when Karma stings the evil

I wanna stand up and shout.

Gotta admit its mighty nice

when the haters feel the hate

reap the fruit of their labor

and with destiny have their date.

You will sow what you reap

in those words make no mistake

sow love and it will return

but beware in sowin' hate.

In the Beginning: Re-Evaluating the Rule Maker

 Imagine you are with God at creation and can watch it all unfold......

God, is all knowing, all powerful. He has been and always will be.  He is getting ready to create the universe. He can do whatever he wants to being God. Anything! Being God, his imagination and power is endless. He knows what has happened and is going to happen. He is God. 

 Its up to him what is sin and what is not. Its up to him if there is a heaven and a hell. The concept didn't even exist until he thought it up. So he creates a world with a Garden of Eden. In the Garden, this all knowing God who has all power, puts a Tree of Knowledge in the center knowing what will happen. Eating from that Tree of Knowledge will bring sin  (a concept only he could create) into the world. He puts a man and woman in the garden. They eat of the tree like he knew they would. He kicks them out because they violated a command that he created knowing full well they would chose to violate it. 

This all powerful God, who is capable of anything, creates only two people and tells them to be fruitful and multiply. They have children, but the only way they can have children is to commit incest. This idea from an all knowing, all powerful God. So they do. They have sex with their sister, their brother, their mother, their father until the world is populated. 

God gets angry with them for doing wrong. He has yet to tell them what doing right is or give them any rules that he has created, but he knows that being all knowing. So he destroys them. All of them. For committing sins they have yet to even be told about by a God who made up the rules even though he could have made other rules. Only the people and animals who can fit on an ark survive. So again, they must commit incest in order to repopulate. 

At some point God creates a heaven and hell.  All those inbred people he got angry at, went there. All the worlds population, but a guy named Noah who built a boat and his family. 

Finally God decides to give 10 commandments for people to follow once the earth is finally repopulated by incest. Those who didn't follow the 10 commandments would go to hell unless they killed an animal every year. If they did, their sins would be pushed back until next year when they would have to kill again.  

 Then he gave the Israelites a HUGE bunch of rules in Leviticus that no human could follow completely so that they would be better and different than the heathens around them (who also must have come from incest and Noah's lineage). Some of those rules include a list of people worthy of being stoned. So not only do the people who don't do exactly as God says go to hell, so do the entire population of heathens because they aren't given the rules.

 Many times throughout the OT God kills off populations of people because they make him angry. He destroys cities saying the only holy man in the city is one who is willing to give his daughters to be gang raped. He kills a man for refusing to impregnate his sister in law. He orders men, women, children killed because they are the enemy of the people he picked as his favorite.  He even kills off more than 40 boys who made fun of a bald guy by sending bears to maul them to death. So those kids go to hell for doing something every child in the world has probably done. All those people are sent to hell by an all knowing, all powerful God who made up the rules and determined the punishment.

Fast forward to the NT. This God, who created the universe exactly the way he wants it, makes up all the rules, makes hell and heaven, knowing full well what will happen, decides that the animal sacrifices are no longer sufficient, so he (who makes up the rules) decides to send his Son. His rules are now that his Son must die in the most horrible way, feeling every ounce of pain, so that he (God) can forgive people for sins he made up, with a method he created, knowing full well that he would be torturing his son later on because of the rules he made up. 

 So while Jesus his Son is dead, he (Jesus) goes down to the hell his Father created to talk to the people who ended up there because they didn't know the rules unless they happened to be Jews. They have suffered all this time, so Jesus gives them a chance to get out of hell.

The rules have now changed.  Because Jesus died, getting into heaven is supposed to be based on grace and not works. However, you DO have to do a work, and that is to accept Jesus as your savior and poof! you get a ticket to heaven. But not really, (depending on your denomination). You can fall from grace, or not, depending on who you ask. But no one knows for sure because the all knowing, all powerful God didn't make it clear even though he says he is not the author of confusion. 

Meanwhile, those people who never heard of Jesus go to hell (or again depending on who you ask, they don't because they can't be held accountable for what they don't know). So assuming that if they don't know, they will not be held accountable and get to go to heaven, the churches decide to tell everybody (its called evangelism and/or missions).   Now instead of being guaranteed a place in heaven because they are not held accountable, they will now go to hell unless they believe and confess that Jesus was the Son of God, died for their sins, and rose from the dead on the third day. 

Now, those who question this idea of God after using the mind given to them by this all knowing God, who had to know they would question, are now considered sinners. To them, using the mind given to them by God, this literal interpretation of the bible makes no sense. So this God, who knows all there is to know, who could explain it and reveal it clearly, does not, but sends them to hell instead.

 
So if you don't do exactly as God has said (even though no one agrees on what that is), you get to go to hell that he made when he knew WHO would burn forever. However if you, who have lived an evil life, make a deathbed confession saying the words as required, you can go to Heaven if you really mean it. All the while, the people who have lived a life of caring for others, showing kindness, mercy, and grace to all, will go to hell, because they didn't say the "magic" words or do the "right" thing. They are not qualified for the kindness, mercy and grace they showed others. 

All because an all knowing, all powerful God, set up the rules that way and knew the final result.

 

PLEASE TELL ME HOW THAT MAKES SENSE.

Creation is Starving: How Right Fighting is Winning over Doing Right

I recently came upon the face book page of Creation Museum. This museum's purpose is to prove that the Bible story of Genesis should be taken literally. This is the Young Earth Theology that God himself created the Earth in six literal days about 5000 years ago. The museum cost $27 MILLION to build and continues to grow including building a three story life size Ark to duplicate Noah's Ark as recorded in Genesis.

The museum was created by Answers in Genesis, a non-profit Christian apologetic organization formed to support the Young Earth theology. Its budget is about $13,675,653.

I have to admit, this entire ministry and its museum anger me. It is right fighting. Its arguing about whose God is bigger and even if there is one. It is supposed to be the anathema of the evolutionary theory and the triumph of creation science.

It is a waste. It is a waste of money, resources, time, and energy.

Proving the Earth was created in 6 days 5000 years ago goes no further to proving or disproving that the Divine exists. Why people are so obsessed with defending a god they say is all powerful is beyond me. If your god is indeed all powerful, your defense is unnecessary.

If the creation story is indeed a myth, it again does nothing to prove that God does not exist. It simply says that the author of the story did what every other individual and society did and has always done....try to understand the workings of the world. I am a firm believer that science and spiritual faith can co-exist. They are simply two different languages speaking about the same thing. LIFE.

It is this LIFE that we must make the most of. As much as I am a believer in science and spirituality co-existing, I also believe that we are all bound by a the essence of our creation and our greatest calling is to help one another. 

 “We are visitors on this planet. We are here for one hundred years at the very most. During that period we must try to do something good, something useful, with our lives. if you contribute to other people's happiness, you will find the true meaning of life.” 

~H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

"Religion that God our Father accepts as poor and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep from being polluted by the world." 

 ~James 1:27

When it comes to doing what we are called to do as Children of the Divine, it doesn't matter how the world was created. If it was 5000 or 5 million years ago, it makes no difference whatsoever. The only message we need to know is to "Love the Lord God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself."

 It is like the picture of the missionary handing the starving woman a bible and she says "Thank you very much. Bible taste good." Words mean nothing without action. The hurting do not see Christ in this. 

And it is not only the Creation Museum and Answers in Genesis that has missed the mark. Every time I see a mega church, I see the homeless multiplying. While many churches indeed do good works, there is so, so much more that could be done if we would follow the teachings, not only of Christ, the Dalai Lama, Buddha and more, but the practice of common sense.

This need to PROVE God created the world in a few days 5000 years ago, is without common sense and shows physically starved, soul starved, poor in pocket, and poor in spirit alike, that doctrine is more important than them. 

God would be horrified by that. 

Please click here for simple things you can do to end world hunger

When Faith Calls Us to Give: Or Baby Jesus Would have Paid Taxes!

¹⁶ This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? ¹⁸ Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.  ~ 1 John 3:16-8


If you were to ask me my political affiliation, I would tell you I am a registered independent who usually votes democrat. In the bible belt, those are fighting words. Democrat. The definition of democrat here in East TN/SW VA area is nig*er loving, baby killing, criminal coddling, country hating, flag burning, welfare giving, lazy atheist SOB who wants America to be invaded by illegal aliens while ripping the nation from the hands of Almighty God. And I'm not kidding.

To me, its about doing what we were called to do: take care of one another.

The funny thing about politics, is this evil little nig*er loving, baby killing, criminal coddling, country hating, flag burning, welfare giving, lazy atheist SOB is a democrat because of my faith.

My faith calls me to kindness. My faith calls me to generosity. My faith calls me to compassion.

Where you see a baby killing abortionist mother, I see a terrified young woman who doesn't want a child to go through the same life of poverty or abuse she did. Where you see a dirty lazy bum, I see a man who fought for our country but could never deal with the atrocities he witnessed. Where you see an aids infested homosexual, I see a young man kicked out of his house by a church going family who were disgusted with his sin.

Jesus said "when you care for the least of these, you care for me". The Divine is in that young woman. The light of heaven is in that war veteran. The angels of God surround that gay man who only wanted to be loved.

Those children of the Divine are the ones who we complain we are supporting with our taxes. We blame them. They should do their fair share. "Get a job!" we scream at them while we kick them as we walk by on the street.

This frustrates me to no end because while we put the blame and weight of the world on these hurting individuals, the church pays NO taxes to help them. 

A recent study shows that the amount of revenue we lose by allowing churches to claim tax exemption is $71 BILLION. The amount of property own by the church has been estimated at $500 BILLION, yet that property is tax free. There have been years (1986 for instance), when the church profited more than most of the top business in the world, but no taxes were paid. When all other non-church related non profits must file IRS tax forms tracking where every dime has gone, churches are exempt.

The outcry of "but the church does so much good" is outweighed by what we actually witness.

• The Pope wears Prada while children starve (see Washington Post "Pope Wears Prada, And Italy's Abuzz"). 
• The Crystal Cathedral was built at a cost of $18 million and sold to the Catholic Church for $57 million.
• There is as estimated 1200 mega churches in America with budgets of large corporations, all tax free.
• While millions of people are homeless, Pastor Joel Osteen's net worth exceeds $40 million dollars and he lives in a $12 million dollar mansion with his wife. When questioned about if he ever felt guilty about it it he claimed it was an insult to God to apologize for his wealth. 

Churches benefit for city and county services including police and fire protection but pay NOTHING for it. They build wealth off of the backs of taxpayers, and we fall for it and blame the less fortunate. For every dollar the church does not pay, WE DO. It is estimated that if the church paid their fair share of taxes, every family in America would pay at least $1000 less.

While people scream it is a violation of church and state to require taxes, I claim it is a violation to allow churches special privilege. In the Bible so often quoted by the churches, they were commanded to take care of the poor, orphaned, widows, and elderly, NOT the government. 

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.  ~James 1:27 (NLT)

The world HAS corrupted the church. When mega buildings, mansions, and designer wear means more than the children of the Divine, it is corrupt. It is vile, disgusting, and dirty. 

The church has lost its way. If it were doing what it had been called to do, no government would even think of interfering. If compassion trumped profit, it would be an example to the world of what can be done when the heart is right. 

So when the government steps in like President Obama and the democrats have done, blame yourself. When the government has to encourage compassion for the "least of these" and teach the church the value of taking care of ALL of America instead of some, look in your hearts and ask why. 

 While you are beating down on the broken, the evangelists are getting rich. Do you really think Jesus would buy himself a mansion? An expensive car? Clothes that cost more than what most of us make in a week? No! He would spend that on those in need. But not all Christians agree with me apparently WWJD? Not this....

 

 

The Ultimate Truth: Limiting our reach on the ladder of fundamentalism

 

Genesis 11 (NIV)

The Tower of Babel 

11 Now the whole world had one language and a common speech. ² As people moved eastward,^[a] they found a plain in Shinar^[b] and settled there.

³ They said to each other, “Come, let’s make bricks and bake them thoroughly.” They used brick instead of stone, and tar for mortar. ⁴ Then they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves; otherwise we will be scattered over the face of the whole earth.”
⁵ But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower the people were building. ⁶ The Lord said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. ⁷ Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other.”
⁸ So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city. ⁹ That is why it was called Babel^[c] —because there the Lord confused the language of the whole world. From there the Lord scattered them over the face of the whole earth.

Genesis 2:17 (NIV)

THE TREE OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL

¹⁷ but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

Those of us who grew up in the fundamentalist sect of Christianity understood the message of the Tower of Babel and the Tree of Knowledge that we, as humans, had the tendency to get very proud. That pride came when we tried to learn more than we should. If we had knowledge, the reasoning went, our cocky spirit would make us feel that we were gods. With knowledge comes power. With power comes possibilities. Adam and Eve were punished for touching the tree of Knowledge and the people at Babel were divided and scattered destined to speak different languages.

In the story God himself says, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. (Gen 11:6)

NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE. We will no longer need God. 

This is the slippery slope many fear within the fundamentalist movement. You are a fundamentalist christian or you are a sinner and an atheist. It is why they feel it is necessary to believe that the Bible is the infallible, inerrant, LITERAL word of God. They heed the warning. Punishment is inevitable if we touch the tree of knowledge. 

It is much easier to be told WHAT to do rather than trying to figure it out yourself. It takes the pressure off. 

I, and those growing up as fundamentalists, were taught that if we did not accept the bible as literal and believe that Jesus was the literal son of God who literally died for our sins and literally rose from the dead....we were screwed. Big time. Eternal damnation kind of screwed. 

That put us in quite the conundrum. To study encourages questions.  To question God is blasphemous. To blaspheme God is unforgivable. So its easier to be an ostrich.

 
I am amazed how far people are willing to stick their heads into the sand to ignore the obvious. I proposed an argument once that if God is the author of the bible and it is to be accepted as his literal word, then God is not perfect. If God IS perfect, the bible was not authored by him.

There are numerous contradictions in the Bible. A contradiction is defined as being "A combination of statements, ideas, or features of a situation that are opposed to one another."

From the first book Genesis where the first two chapters contradict themselves in the order of creation, to God being the same "today, yesterday, and forever" (Heb 13:8), yet finding over and over again that the vengeful God of the Old Testament held little resemblance to God of the New, we find examples of biblical ideas and stories opposed to one another.

There is the two different stories of the death of Judas in which one claims he hanged himself (Matt 27) and the other that he threw himself head first off a cliff where, when he landed, his guts blew up all over the place (Acts 1). We are told God plays no favorites in Acts 10, yet find out over and over that God chose the Jews to be his favorite people (one example being Deut 7:6). We are taught God is omnipresent and knows all in Psalm 139, yet God couldn't find Adam and Eve in the garden.

Do these contradictions make me want to throw out the Bible? Of course not! Does it make me want to disavow the possibility of a Divinity? Absolutely not!

It simply means that the practice of literalism and inerrancy is wrong. It means that MEN wrote the words we find in the Bible. It means that MEN copied, translated, and determined what was worthy to be there.

It means MAN was wrong. Not God.

Does that mean we now have no guide for morality? Of course not.

We can and have developed morality that is not biblically based. Our ability to empathize helps us develop moral grounds while our ability to reason help us determine normal principles of behavior. There is a universal morality based upon our human nature and our ability to see the advantages of doing right and wrong within a social group. It is everyone's own best interest to "do unto others as you have them do unto you". Cooperation has gotten us far as a species and this cooperation is based on choosing individual morality in order to survive as a group.

I do believe we are born with a sense of right and wrong. It is the ultimate gift of the Divine.  Just as animals naturally cooperate in packs and understand their place within society, so we too understand what is required of us. Both humans and animals alike sometimes diverge off this path, and it is most often, the beginning of their demise. Nature teaches us right and wrong as well.

Could THAT be the Divine's most clear link to the heart and mind of the individual? Could it be that the lessons of the Divine are engrained in us in our genetics, our DNA, our essence?

Do we have to rely on a book so much so that we must ignore the messages within that we were given at the time of creation? Why would a divinity, with so much knowledge and power, knowing full well that the majority of human beings through the span of time would be illiterate chose to put the truths of the universe in a book that few could read? Would the divinity deny those truths to the illiterate? To the isolated?

If only we would allow ourselves to acknowledge that, although, there is wisdom within the pages, there is fallibility. Although there are examples of man searching for God, it is man's experience, not God's. As we can take from the experiences of ALL those before us, we cannot limit it to a few. The knowledge of the Divine cannot be logged within a mere 66 bound books. It is far more than we can understand.

As long as we limit ourselves to this compilation and limit our reach by using only the ladder of fundamentalism, we will never come close to grasping even a fraction of the Ultimate Truth.

And that is the fear of fundamentalism. Grasping the Ultimate Truth. The Ultimate Truth is what is found at the top of the Tower of Babel. It is the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.

With knowledge comes power. With power comes possibilities. With possibility comes responsibility.

Responsibility is what is at the top of the Tower. 

It is the responsibility of knowing that we have been given the gift of learning. It is the responsibility of  knowing that at our creation we were given the things we need to survive and the answer to prayer is within us. No longer can we excuse ourselves by saying "The devil made me do it. Now we must say "I'm sorry I was wrong". No longer can we sit by and hope God comes and rescues us off this planet, but instead take care of the planet we inherited from the generations before us. The fruit of the Tree of Good and Evil is bittersweet because it is realizing that we KNOW what is right and wrong and it is our responsibility and in our power to choose one or the other. It means we can no longer be lazy waiting for God to appoint someone else to do what we should be doing. God is not going to lead someone else to care for your dying friend. It is YOU who must go or admit YOU don't want to.

In the stardust that is US is the DNA of the universe. The spirit within us is a drop of the ocean that is Divine. We are an answer to another one's prayer. As the prince and princess have a responsibility, not only to the king and queen, but to that which lies within the kingdom, so we too have a responsibility to our kingdom. That kingdom is this planet and all who share it. 

And sometimes that is too scary to acknowledge. 

Rethinking Prayer: Admitting God is NOT a genie in a bottle

I've been thinking about prayer. I'm not very good at it simply because I don't understand it. I recall growing up being told God always answers prayers and if I had the faith of a mustard seed God would move mountains. Being a kid who still believed anything adults told me, I believed completely. So I prayed for God to move Walkers Mountain. Not far, just a little. It didn't move. At all. Not one little bit.

When I asked about it I was told that although God COULD do it, he sometimes said NO. Oh, NOW you tell me. God says no a lot.

I was told prayer was simply talking to God like you would another person. That left me two problems, I was terribly shy and didn't talk to other people to begin with, and God never talked back. I was also afraid of praying for the wrong thing. What if I prayed for money to pay bills, so God "offed" my parents so I would get an inheritance? There was the money to pay bills, but shit, I killed my parents!

I have been told that yes, you can change the mind of God with prayer and in the same paragraph told God never changes. Then I  have been told that "his will be done", but I should pray anyway. Well, if he's gonna do what he's gonna do, what's the freaking point?

Prayer has made absolutely no sense to me over the years. What kind of God would help me, who has made some bad financial decisions (mostly out of stupidity), pay my bills, but let little kids starve? What kind of God would heal me from a disease and ignore the person in the hospital bed beside me? A God who plays favorites? But wait.....you said he plays no favorites (Acts 10:34). So I just don't get prayer.

I started to think that prayer was what you did when you really didn't want to do anything. "I'm sorry, I don't want to sit with you while you are ill, but I'll pray for you." It was simply an excuse.

Then I read something that made a lot of sense:

"Prayer is valuable not because it alters the circumstances and conditions of your life, but because it alters you" ~ James Freeman, Unity Magazine, March 2001

So prayer does not change the mind of God, it changes ME. Hmmmmm.  

What if we have already been given everything we need? It was given to us when we were created. Thus, the purpose of prayer, is not to ask for something you do not have, but to recognize that you have the answer inside. That makes sense to me.

Shit happens. That's just the way it is. Its part of life. If there is a Divine Force, I don't believe for one second that he/she (if personified) sits around a table and decides who gets sick, and who gets healed, and who doesn't. I just don't buy as asshole of a god like that.

If anything, I believe, that this Divine Force, is part of what is within us. It is the stardust, the spirit, that creates both earth and sky, animals and people. It is what ties us together. We have been given what we need to survive. Science is not the enemy of God, but the epitome the gift of curiosity. It is what humans can do if they are allowed to think without the box of religion covering the light.

We have developed the knowledge as to how to avoid illness and prolong life. We know good and well that smoking, obesity, lack of exercise, and poor eating habits bring on illness much earlier than it needs to. We know that stress and the constant release of cortisole and adrenaline can wreak havoc on our bodies, yet we insist on living large, requiring us to work unhealthy hours, never have time for our families, and thereby cause more stress. Then we get sick.

Next, we get angry when we get ill and ask God to take it away. We want a deity to take away the pain, to heal, all for something we caused. We know that if we lose weight, eat better, improve our habits and exercise we can heal ourselves and maybe even reverse the negative impact WE HAVE CREATED, yet we sit around and wonder why God doesn't make everything better.

The answer to prayer is within. It has already been answered. The answer to prayer is YOU.

I'm not saying that we can fix everything. Shit happens that is beyond our control. But how we react to it, is not beyond our control. People are gonna die. People are gonna get sick. That is the nature of life. Our bodies IN THIS FORM, is not eternal. But we can determine if we are going to waste our time here in life wondering if some magic deity is going to be a genie in a bottle, OR we can be the answer to prayer for others and ourselves. We can go see them when they are sick and scared. We can offer to go to doctors appointments with them. We can offer to share the $5 we have to get an icecream. We can get off our defeated asses and exercise. We can learn about the disease we have and what we can do to improve things. We can use it to find a way to connect with others and to help them.

And when we pray, pray for wisdom to open our minds to the gifts we have been given. Pray that you can see the power of knowledge and of learning within you to find a solution. Pray that you can tap into the survival instinct that has brought us so far that gives you the will to fight and survive.

Then you will see that your prayers were answered long ago and the answer was NOT no. 

Go get the truck honey, we've got some stones to buy!!! (or why biblical literalism sucks)

I can't tell you how many times I have entered into a conversation regarding the bible and homosexuality that the verse in Leviticus 18:22 is quoted to me with great authority.

“‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable"

As the conversation continues and we discuss this "Holiness Code" as this part of scripture is referred to, I remind them of many more verses within this code rarely discussed. We talk about eating food containing blood (non-kosher foods like a big juicy steak), shellfish, pork, and many other types of food. Suddenly, those food related verses don't count. That was JUST food for heaven's sake!

Then we talk about not shaving, wearing clothes made of two different types of material (cotton and polyester for instance), tattoos being forbidden, and....TADA! Those verses don't apply in today's world. Besides, Mr Christian's tattoo IS of Jesus on the cross!!!

We move on to more personal matters such as masturbation, premarital sex, sex while the woman is on her period all being forbidden and guess what......You guessed it!   GONE!!!!!! (except the homo part).

On we march like little christian soldiers to the rougher verses. Those awesome ones that command who should be stoned. Who do we find? Women (not men) found not to be virgins on their wedding day, a woman (not man) caught in adultery, anyone who says God damn or curses God (blasphemy), those who preach or practice a different religion (other than the Jewish religion I might add), those who are fortune tellers/sorcerers (there goes Ms Cleo), those who work on the Sabbath (including football players, you know!), an animal who accidentally kills a person (no mention if the animal were protecting himself from abuse), and my all time favorite....kids who disrespect their parents!! (See http://www.mutazilah.org/stoning.htm for specifics on verses). When I offer to drop by Home Depot to help them buy their stones for the next neighborhood stoning.....VOILA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! those verses don't apply anymore!!! YAY!!!!!!!

Now I find out that all those verses, specifically the Holiness Code and now most of the OT, were written to......(guess who) THE JEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And not just any old jew, but those during the time of Moses. Imagine that!

Now that we've established that much, I ask about the NT and am told all of that applies. Jesus fulfilled the law (which I didn't find out until we brought up the stuff that would apply to them), so just the stuff after Jesus counts. But, wait.....I'm confused. There's so many places in this NT where it says "To the church of....." "To my brothers at.......". No where does it say "To the people in the 21st century" "To the First Baptist Church of......." 

"Look at that!" I say. "It was written to the jews and gentiles who were converting to early christian teachings. If the Holiness Code applied just to Israelites, and these verses specifically say who they are written to (members of the early christian church), how 2000 years later do they specifically apply to me?

I dare say, these verses have suddenly lost their universalism that requires that everyone be sent to hell (whether by stoning or other cruel forms of death), for not believing exactly as the bible literalist would have you believe.

Even though I have written this with a sarcastic sense of humor, I find bible literalism and proof texting (picking verses for the purpose of proving your point, often out of context and with no historical reference in mind) among one of the most dangerous things in religion. Picking out a verse with the specific purpose of condemning someone always comes back to bite you in the ass, because if you look close enough, there will be a verse to condemn you. It has absolutely nothing to do with the love of God. It has nothing to do with making the world a better place. It has no positivity to it at all. It is a mean and cruel thing that does not hold up to the light of God's love or to reason.

There are many beautiful things in the bible. The Song of Psalms has poetry, the Book of Solomon has love and erotica, the teachings of Jesus are full of great wisdom, but they must be read with the thought in mind that these were writings of another time and another place. There are some universal truths to be found. When asked the most important laws, Jesus replied that we are to love our God with all our hearts and our neighbors as ourselves. He reminded us to treat others as we would want to be treated. He told us only those without sin could cast the first stone. So, I do not discount the lessons to be learned.

However, when we use it as a stick to beat others into submission, to refuse them the freedom to find their own path to their deity, to see life through their own eyes, we have done a great disservice to those who have come before us and found their own way to their own God and written down their journey. When we are not allowed to look outside those 66 books of scripture to see if the divine has placed wisdom in other places, we have lost so very, very much.

I have this life to live. I have so much more to explore. I have so many more books to read. I have so many more rocks to look under, creeks to be crossed, and drops to be rained down on me. Let me live to find my own view of God. Let me listen for my own whispers.

I am often told that if we allow such freedom, people will choose a God that allows them to do whatever they want to do. However, to me that is also saying that God has no power outside of the Christian Bible to reach people. I know far to many who identify as atheists who live a life much closer to the teachings of Christ than most self identifying christians. They do it not because someone told them they had to, but because their inner conscience has taught them what is right. Maybe that inner conscience is the Divine, and maybe its just a common sense we have developed as we evolved into people who must cooperate in order to live. Does it really matter? If there is a God, would he/she rather have a person be kind to another just because they think that's the right way to live than to have the most educated biblically trained literalistic christian be an ass?

I will never stop believing that the right way to live is determined by kindness and love. It is those virtues which I believe show more of the divine than anything. Unfortunately, the world is not perfect, and there are times we must step in and stand up against for what is right. I believe the damage done by biblical literalism and the verbal stoning that has become so prominent among the radical religious right is something we must stand up against. Not only is it destroying the teachings of Jesus, it is hurting so very many people. I never thought I would experience people who claim to follow God be so hateful, yet I see it all the time. Love must conquer this new found right wing religion that has become so engrained in the life of America. It seems more frightening to come out as a political liberal or progressive person of faith than it did to come out as a homosexual, particularly here in the south. I am more comfortable putting a rainbow sticker on my car than I am an "Obama 2012" or "Oneness" symbol because I expect my car to be vandalized. However, it is because of my belief that the Divine is so much more than the radical right biblical literalists have you believe, that I am a liberal and progressive believer.

So we must find a balance, and it is one I still struggle to find. When do I love? When do I stand firm? How do I do it without being an ass? (my sarcasm skills are sometimes too good). Its something I am still working on. But I can't sit by and do nothing. That is how evil prevails.

So I don't know about you, but I think stones should be used for landscaping, not hurting. And they are most certainly NOT a representation of a loving God. So take them back to Home Depot. Or make a rock garden. Do something. Just lay them down.

If you met God at a bar would you buy him a drink?

If you were assigned a spouse and told that you were to change yourself and do whatever it took to fall in love with him/her, could you do it? I asked myself a similar question in regards to God.

Here is a God whom I am told is my one "true" God, and I am to fall in love with him just as he is. What I know about him is this....

At one time he had a bad habit of wiping out populations of people who didn't agree with him. Sometimes by fire, sometimes by flood. He was creative about it.

He loved stonings and required them often for lots of stuff and he loved the word "abomination". Eating shellfish, wearing clothes made of different materials, homosexuality....all abominations. All cured by a good stoning.

He didn't think much of women back in the day, and allowed them to be used as property. He still thinks they are unworthy to serve in higher offices in the church.

He tends to play favorites and loves the Jews. He now tolerates the rest of us. He will help a guy win a ballgame because he bows in praise on the field, but not do much for the poor shivering in the cold  outside the stadium.

He used to love the essence of burning animal flesh that he, himself, required to be killed before he would forgive anyone's sins. When he finally got around to figuring out another way of forgiveness, he sent his own kid to be killed when he could have made the rules different from the very beginning so torture was not even necessary.

He expects me to call him Lord and bow down to him. My dad didn't even expect that. My baptist ex husband didn't expect that.  My boss doesn't expect that. Why would my love expect that?

So, I hope you see my quandary.  This is the guy I'm supposed to love. If his profile were on a eHarmony,  he wouldn't get many dates. If he were my Facebook friend I would have deleted him long ago. If he were hanging in a bar, who would buy him a drink?  He comes across to me as arrogant, mean, and a little too full of himself. I don't even LIKE him, and I'm supposed to fall in love with him? I am told if I don't love him and follow him, I'm going to the hell that he created. Well, shit. What to do, what to do?

I gotta be honest. I just can't do it. I don't see what people see in him. The Divine has GOT to be better than that. I expect MUCH more out of God than to be a jerk.

Each culture had their own myths and stories. They all had their ideas of how the world came to be. They all had their own "revelations" of who God is. So why in the hell was this the popular one? He sounds great for arrogant men who wanted to scare the shit out of people and demand their allegiance. What better way to get people to behave then threaten to damn their soul to eternal punishment?

I personally think we have been duped. Don't get me wrong, there are wonderful things in the teachings of Jesus. It seems he was trying to break the mold during his day and  think outside the box. But, somehow, we have been brainwashed to believe that if we follow the teachings of Jesus, then we have to believe all the other stuff that MAN decided should be attached to the stories about him. It sort of reminds me of a bill in congress that is an awesome bill but some asshole attaches some provision to it that makes it suck. You vote for the good part of the bill, you vote for all of it.

So I don't buy it. It is NOT all or nothing. This isn't democracy. This is my spiritual life. Yes, MINE. Some say I am turning God into someone I want, so I can act anyway I want to. That would be fine if I created a God who expected nothing good of me and if I wanted to be a selfish, mean person. But I do not. I expect much of myself. I expect kindness and gentleness. I expect myself to be better tomorrow than I was today. I expect my heart to find more room for love then it does anger.

And I expect my brain, heart, and soul to search for the Divine. To listen for the whispers. To look for the divinity in every creature. I will not allow myself to be lazy and rely on the God of someone else. It seems like the Divine would expect no less. Am I not correct in stating that if I am to fall head over heels in love, it must be with the One meant for me? So it is my own divine partner I must find, and my own divine journey I must take. And you must find yours.

Invasion of the Peace Snatchers!

So people tell me I am unnecessarily angry at the conservative christian lot and need to tone it down a little. While I agree that I wish I could let it all go and not give a crap, I just cannot.

I love God and the concept of God so much it pains me so much to see other people hurt in the name of something/one so wonderful. Too often I see God's name dragged through the shit piles of hate and bigotry and have it called "christian",  meaning "Christ-like". 

It is nothing like Christ. It is not love, it is not self sacrifice. It is a dirty, filthy soap box that, instead of having knee stains to the side where the person is asking for forgiveness and guidance, there are dirty, bloodstained footprints on top as the right fighters have stepped over the hurt and dying masses to get to their self appointed pulpits.

• I am sick and tired of being told that I need to magically accept Jesus as my personal savior in order to get to heaven (which I did years ago), by people who show no real evidence that they have ever personally known the one who showed kindness and love to those no one else would. 
• I am frustrated beyond words of having my relationship with God deemed invalid because it does not fall in under the category listed in an ancient book, almost all which was written dozens and even hundreds of years after the fact. 
• I am figuratively beating my head against the wall trying to talk to people who can't see past the forest of ancient words to see the tree of God TODAY leading us in the right direction. 
• I am tired of those who find it more important to beat me silly with their "ancient holy word of God", then to make life good for people that are here today. 
• I am over those who scream that they don't want government to tell them how to worship and how devilish it must be to take prayers away in schools while they are the first to pass legislation to prevent my right to marry the person God gave me to love.
• I am sick of the comparison of a sports star to Jesus himself because he likes to pray to God in the open and thank him for his ability to throw a football. He does this on Sunday by the way so those who go watch him play must miss church service to get to his games,,,, and I am the one who is a sinner for not going to his kind of church Sunday morning?
• I am tired of those who pick out verses to prove that I and my partner are an abomination to God, but leave out the part where their praying football hero should do his praying in private and not on the street corners like the hypocrites do (see Matt 6).
• I am sickened by those who portray other religions such as Islam as an evil faith who wants nothing more than to kill us all when it is US (the U.S) and the conservative christian church who declares that God is on our side, so we are justified to kill them first. 
• I am frankly fed up with the pro-lifers who have plenty of time to make signs and scream at young, scared, poor women, but no time to adopt any of those children sitting in orphanages. 
• I am angry at those who, while standing on their soap boxes, are holding the light of God's glory underneath, and the love of God is hidden from view.  

So, yes, I am angry. It is not healthy for me, I realize. Am I handling this well? No, not at all. The peace of my Whisper Creek has been invaded.  I am getting on my own soap box and blocking out the glorious nature of the God I know so well. When I could be showing love, I am too busy being pissed off. When I could be showing compassion, I don't even see the need because I can't see passed the redness of my own anger. Its time for me to get off my own soapbox.

I'm not quiet sure how to step down, stop it, or even if I should. Everyone needs someone to fight for them, but there must indeed be balance. Where there is no love, I must bring it. Where there is no light, I must supply it. When a hug is all that is needed, I must be willing. So when do you step up and when do you stand down? I just don't know.

My friends tell me that I am speaking to a brick wall when I speak to these conservative christian types. "They will never hear you," they say. Yet I keep thinking if I could change, why can't they? I was once one of them. One who only saw the biblical words I memorized since childhood, and not the common sense and ability to see hurt and need through the eyes of a loving God. I just want them to see THAT God. I want them to feel the freedom, not to sin vicariously, but to be trusted by a Creator to use the innate sense of right or wrong instilled in me as a divine child of God. I want them to be a flying holy creation, not a blind sheep being led to the slaughter. To have them realize that it is okay to find joy in this life instead of suffering miserably as a martyr in order to be able to be told what a good and faithful servant they were once they get to heaven, would be amazing. 

It is NOT a sin to enjoy life!

So I know, I have lots of healing to do. I have to calm down. I have to find a better approach. Anger is just a way of showing hurt without crying. I'm hurt by all this bullshit. I'm hurt by those who seek to take away any chance of me marrying the one I love based on their own religious beliefs. And I am pissed. Pissed at the hypocrisy of it all. I have allowed my life to be invaded by the peace snatchers. Its time I take my soul back.

May God help me to concentrate on her goodness, her love, her mercy. May she wrap me and mine in the wings of her divine protection. May she teach me how to show love where there is no love, show mercy where no mercy is found, show compassion instead of anger.  May she help me look past those who make fun of those of us who see God as she reveals herself to us, instead of the cookie cutter God they want us to believe in. May she put her hand over my mouth while she whispers words of guidance into my ears. May she help me return my Whisper Creek to a place of unconditional love and acceptance and fill the air with the sweet aroma of peace. In this I pray. Blessed be.