I have a cat named Teko. He was given to me by a gentleman in Corona, California because he was an outcast among his cats and was very unhappy. He had the social graces of a stump. From the beginning Teko was a jerk. If you tried to pet him, he would bite. If the other cats tried to get near him, he would fight them. The best I could do for him at the time was to give him his basic necessities and a chance.
The night we gathered all the animals up to load them for the move to Tennessee, Teko got loose and I couldn't catch him. I feared that I never would and he would be left alone. But I prepared his cage anyway, sat it in the garage, and went to sleep in the truck. I woke sometime during the night and went into the garage. A local stray cat, Raven, decided he was going to move with us and sat in Teko's cage. However, not to far away was Teko and so I casually walked up to him, caught him, and put him in the cage with Raven. And so they both traveled to Tennessee together.
When we got here, there was no amazing turn around in Teko. In fact, he continued to be a jerk. One day, he escaped out the garage door, and I worried he was gone for good. He moved to the woods above the field behind the house. Every evening, I would see him walk down the field and I would put a bowl of food out for him.
One thing I have learned about animals with social issues is the best thing I can do for them is to completely ignore them except to provide their basic necessities. It tells an animal that you are not a threat. And that's exactly what I did. I ignored him.
During this time, I decided to try letting out one cat at a time to see if they would stay on the property. They did, and now everyone is allowed to sit outside and have a cat door to come in when they are ready. During the evenings, I made it a habit to sit outside and read and write. This is "cat time", when all the cats (and the guinea pigs) gather together with Momma Jamie to chill as one family.
I could often see Teko watching from the woods, and eventually he moved back home. Still I ignored him. Then gradually he began sitting with me in my lounge chair. I still ignored him. Then he started rubbing up against me and I would hold out my hand, but not rub him back.
Two years later, when I go outside to sit down for "cat time" Teko is the first one to come up to me. He begs to be petted and doesn't bite when I do. We have a relationship built upon years of silent trust. There was no preaching and begging, "Teko, you can trust me!" None of that. I showed him in a way that he could understand, that I was not a threat.
It was hard to let Teko go and run away from home. I wanted to catch him and bring him home where I knew that he was safe. But I knew that he wouldn't be happy. Not yet. Teko had to find out what made him happy and what was important. He had to miss home, and to look from far away and see that Momma was taking care of the rest of the family and loving them in a way that he wanted to be loved. When he was ready.... he came home.
I can't help but think that this is the same method God used with me this past 15 years. I was an outcast in my own mind. I was angry and would snap at the mere mention of God. So he let me go for a while. He said nothing, but provided for my basic necessities. He watched over me from afar as I watched over Teko as he sat at the edge of the forest. When I came closer, he remained quiet. Then I began to nudge him, to remind him that I was there and wanted to trust him. So he held out his hand to acknowledge that. He showed me that he was not a threat.
So every evening at "cat time", he joins us. It is a time of meditation, of communing quietly. We still say little, but sit together in the grass just enjoying our time together. I no longer fear being close to him. I am no longer afraid. And always nuzzled in between us, quietly enjoying his own peaceful communion, is my special little teacher, Teko.
Look to the animals and they will teach you.
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