Every Scar

These scars across my skin

tell you the story of the times when

I had to dig my way out of the muck

and try so hard to even give a fuck. 

To try to feel something other than numb

a reason to cry and reason to run

maybe to fight, I just don't know

looking for an out, a safe place to go. 

Other times, its to say  "you fucking queer"

"you're nobody, nothing, why you even here"

the voices so evil though they claim to be a saint

but if you're God's voice, going to heaven I ain't

I feel like I am 80, though I'm not even close

heavy weighs me down, and it looks like your ghost.

But I have felt the demons ever since I was 8

I hear their song of sadness and I can relate.

Some scars bear your name, given only in love

but memories if I could, I would get rid of

every moment a lie, every word a deception

you were born in evil, no immaculate conception. 

 You just added to the pain that was already there

but you didn't give a shit, you didn't even care

fucking tell me I was weak, when the weak one was you

even in my pain, I would have helped you get through

So many scars on my arms, my heart, across my chest

Long before you came, and long after I guess

Stubborn faith keeps me going, your bullshit don't matter

hope that pissed you off, cause I ain't gonna shatter.

I got paw prints on my heart, it bandages the bleeding

and the sadness is pushed back, like flood waters receding

and damn straight I will choose them over you any day

cause they love me as I am, and they never stray.