When I think I know what I look like
but then a mirror I walk passed
I see someone I don't recognize
society's outcast.
I run into deep shadows
hoping it wasn't true
the person I saw in the mirror
was a girl multiplied by two.
Perspective is everything
a room of mirrors, my foe
seeing the whole picture
is my ego's final blow
She is me, but he is she
a kaleidoscope of faces
envision all or envision none
truth pours into these spaces
A half century has passed
and yet I am still breathing
completely unexpected
that my heart is still beating
I'm nothing I thought I would be
maybe a failure, maybe not
I guess its about who you ask
and if I'm in ear shot
When I look closely at my past
I think "oh fuck what did I do"
I want to smack myself because
I made my nightmares come true.
So again, I look at my reflection
why didn't I know I looked like that?
a middle aged woman
mentally ill, embarrassingly fat
In my mind I have envisioned
androgynous with a touch of boi
stronger, chunkier than most
a sense of humor and coy
So, what the hell happened
where did I change a long the way?
nothing feels like it should but
thank God that I still am gay.
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