Look in my Soul and Hear my Prayer

I guess I'm a bit different when it comes to prayer. I don't ask for healing. Tonight as I await for my surgery to remove my cancerous uterus, such a prayer is not something I have even considered. 

I feel that when God is asked to heal someone, we are asking him/her to favor one over another. Someone has to die, someone has to be ill, someone has to suffer, because we do not live in a perfect world. So who am I to say to God "I think I deserve something while others do not". Do I say to God, "Save me, but let them die?" How selfish is that?

I have issues believing that God is one who chooses to curse one with misfortune, while others prosper. I think life just happens. Our spiritual witness and the best proof of our character is how we deal with life challenges.

So here is my prayer this night....

Lord I thank you that the challenges I have faced in my life have prepared me for this moment. I take that as beautiful proof of your grace and foresight. For if you had saved me from the smaller battles, I would not know how to deal with this bigger battle. I would not have learned that you have instilled strength in me, and I would not believe that you are faithful to be there with me through it all. 

Lord, you look inside my soul each morning. and you know my heart. You know where my fears lie, and you know that I am serious when I beg you to use this for your glory. One of your greatest gifts has been teaching me to accept life as it comes, do everything I can to make it better, and trust you for the rest. 

I don't believe that you waste anything Lord, and when someone gives themselves to you to be a part of spreading the beautiful kindness that only comes from you, I do not believe you will turn them down. I realize, Lord, that I am like the widow, who had very little to give, but was willing to give it to you anyway. I want to be that person whose meager talents touch others. I want to be one that is an example of your heavenly comfort and your wonderful sense of humor and wonder. 

So tonight, Lord, I pray for a peaceful sleep and for comfort in knowing that you have plans for me. Use me as an instrument of your peace, because I understand fear in a way few people do, and feel peace even more intensely because of that.

Your humble and thankful child...

Jamie