Poop is Temporary, Joy is Forever

Not too long ago after being inspired by Shay Kelley's Project 50/50, I asked myself and God an important question. 

"God, what can a girl who can barely make ends meet, and who is so overwhelmed with social agoraphobia and panic that she only leaves home to work, do to make a difference in your world?"

For weeks I have been brainstorming trying to figure it out. I felt like the poor widow in the scriptures who only had a few coins to give the Lord, but who was willing to give. I was open to the Spirit, but I heard no answers. "What do you want me to do God? What can my meager talents do to help others?"

Yesterday, I got my answer. 

I found out I have cancer. Hopefully, it is one that can be healed with surgery and life will go on. Nevertheless the word itself is scary. I had always been terrified of being told those words, yet when I was, my first thoughts were not ones of fear. 

Someone asked me today after finding out how I was doing. My reaction was "Its only cancer, its not like my dog died or something." And they laughed.

And then I realized my gift. It is a gift of encouragement, of laughter. Its my laid back "sh*t happens" attitude that brings people a sense of ease. It is ironic that I have this gift considering the social panic I struggle with, yet who am I to question God.

If there is anything I could teach people, it is that joy is a choice. Happiness is a gift that everyone has been given. It is not based on circumstance. It is not based on what you own, how many toys you have, how rich you are, or how healthy you are....its your attitude. 

I don't want to be that person that walks in the room and it seems like the lights dimmed because they are so depressing. I want people to say, "Boy, am I glad you're here today, Jamie!". If you haven't smiled all day, I want to be the one to make you spit your soda across the room because of something stupid I said or did. (That's why I'm convinced that my clumsiness is a gift from the heavens.)

You know, its easy for someone who has had an easy life to say, "Oh, honey, things will get better." Its another thing to hear that from someone who has struggled. So if having panic attacks and having experienced cancer and all the other crap that has passed my way is what it takes to get through to people, than I'm your Gyrl. 

Not for one second do I think God has cursed me with any of this. However, I think he looked out into the future, saw what was coming, and said, "I know the talents I can give Jamie to make a difference." And isn't that what we are here for? 

We will never live in a perfect world here on earth, and I don't want to. They're boring. I think they decided that on Star Trek or something once. Differences and dramas affect each on of us and helping each other is what makes us stronger. Its what brings us closer. Its what makes us shine. 

I know depression. I've fought it all my life, but I know the day I chose to be happy. There are still struggles and I am not laughing every moment of every day. I have my sad times. I have my times of fear because I am still human. However,  I have the ultimate victory because I know bad times will pass. 

Remember: 

Poop is temporary.

Joy is forever!