Exploding Heart

I tried not to wear my heart on my sleeve

but hid it away like it was on sick leave

but I found in doing so I wasn't alive

like I only existed, but didn't thrive.

So I took it out and dusted it clean

got it beatin' right like a new love machine

and though I didn't set out seeking love

it seem to drop right down from the heavens above.

And I took it and admit, I enjoyed it well

never knew my heart could actually swell

but it did and for a time it felt really good

much better than I thought it actually could. 

But then reality crashed my love affair

and it went in smoke and up in thin air

and my heart sitting proudly upon my sleeve

began to tremble, began to seethe. 

And then it burst in great alarm

and the blood ran thickly down my arm

and confused because I didn't die

I fell to my knees and began to cry.

I couldn't stop, I couldn't see

didn't know truth from a hole in a tree

and I begged for guidance to find my way

but no one jumped in to save the fucking day.

There was no happy ending, no magic storybook

and I sit here now and at my arm I look

and the blood runs down and I wonder when

my breathing will stop and the hurt will end. 

How can my tender heart cause so much pain

I didn't mean to bring down so much heavy rain

and now everyone is just treading water

and I feel like I brought on this massive heart slaughter. 

And it rips and it tears and it feels so raw

for the wounds that I caused for the hurt that I saw

and I ask myself if inside I am evil

for causing this mess, this big upheaval. 

Will I ever know, will the Lord finally say

I meant for things to happen and happen this way

will it ever be spelled out in my own stubborn brain

or will the words simply spell "you are f*cking insane."