Muted by my circumstance
trapped alone inside my brain
unable to deal with my demons
is driving me insane.
Do I lock down the room?
Do I turn out the light?
or do I let them see
how much I cry at night?
A brave look on my face
with laughter and a smile
is all that is safe to let them see
so I must be numb for just a while.
Yet all the while I hurt
filled with resentment and rage
while the demons try to beat down the door
and reach me in my cage.
I want to break free
to run as fast as I can
to turn around an see
those are MY footprints in the sand.
To scream "This is me!"
Take a look inside my heart?
Love me for who I am!
Stop tearing me apart!
I became better than you wanted me to be
that i am trying to believe
though the voices try to tell me differently
a special gift I have received.
That even with the knocking
in time with the beat of my chest
I can look at others with compassion
and help them find some rest.
To make the frightened feel safe again
with a light and gentle touch
because they know in their spirit
that I understand so much.
For that I am thankful
although you didn't mean to give
a gift but a curse you had hoped
would hit me where I lived.
Yet there are times, I must admit
that I don't feel so strong
Would laying down my sword for a while
be so very very wrong?
To say that I am afraid sometimes
to say that I want more
to cry the tears that have been building up
deep inside my core.
Where is my safety net
my hero with that touch?
who will care for me
when I don't feel I can do so much??
I need to rest, I need to feel
I need time to break down this door
I need someone to fight beside me
I can't do by myself anymore.
"Help me!" I want to say
hold me while I cry
Protect me while I let go
and let the demons die.
Who will be my hero?
Who will hold my hand?
who will say its safe to look back
at my footprints in the sand.
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